I don't want to be satisfied.

So I am back again. Yeah I felt the need for two main reasons.

First - I had been absent over the past one month due to my exams--loss cover up.

Second - This very thing could have just slip out of my mind.

Ok so here we go.

Past week

"You are always dissatisfied." someone said irritated and arrogantly while I just stood there and had  this very desire to offend those words but I didn't because I knew that if I had, I'd be in bad danger and I wanted to be away from it then.

I didn't anything then but since past few days these words wander in my head searching for an answer to WHY?

If I am dissatisfied, part of me is not happy and that would	force me to get better as I go

I wanted to say to her, "I am not always dissatisfied, okay. I just don't get it how I could be satisfied. For me being satisfied is like the end and I see my end nowhere. Being dissatisfied I am on a quest for life and being satisfied I see people moving around trying to put up a fake smile and live the life in their present day scenario but are taken aback by their past and their wishes and their mistake of being satisfied. I don't want to sum up to that mistake. I won't be satisfied. I'd live life being dissatisfied so that there exists a level <<PERFECT, as you call it>> for me and I'd see it and I'd force myself to put up harder this time and get a little more close to it. So you see I don't want to be satisfied. Besides you are a live example of being satisfied."

For some reason I won't disclose who and why but you see the thing is not that, the thing is 

If you are satisfied or not?

So are you?

Glacial Contemplations: Words

Glacial Contemplations: Words: 'The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.'                                                                ...

Shadows- A Vague Teacher

After long back on desk. Apologies.

Well you see I have many things to be occupied by and one of them is studying. Yes I am a student what else you want me to be at 16. Well I am thankful somewhere and somewhere neglected to the fact that I am not working at 16. Look around you there are people around you and they work--- work at 12 or perhaps 13. They are not greedy for money, neither are the reluctant for a specific accessory their parents won't let them have, they are just making ends meet to live. They are helpless- some of them have parents with eyes watered when asked about their child's mere existence, some of them have culprit parents usually father(people who take undue advantage of their poverty and beg rather than doing anything), and some of them are apparently on their own(they are orphans). I don't know each one of us--- you, me, and they ---why we fail to serve them at our best. God is one and God is within us. God is within them, and God is not denied. Don't discriminate his existence---poor, rich are merely two social differences we have developed over years.

Some of the egotist people don't care about anything themselves so getting back to our main thread of events we'd decipher much more of human worth.

We have big schools, colleges, what French call a complete sophisticated pattern of early living or rather a complete sophisticated pattern of education.

Who would teach us more, the sane boy or this little best friend, the two chit chatting girl or their giggling mother or for that instance their ’thinking’ father? A teacher teaches us the things essential for us; to a little more extreme monk teach us life. I don't question anyone but eh... aren't we all humans, the teacher, and the monk? Aren't we all to mistake and even for a Mille second, I'd assume those monks and teachers are far from any questioning, are they serving us with the appropriate information? What can they do part of what they are governed by experienced and by the time one has enough of experience to preach, it's his doom he has to meet.

Nature in itself is a Godly thing. Every piece of nature inspires hundreds, teaches thousands and rebukes none. Trees, those flowers, the canopy of trees, the messengers of love---birds are all together the rightful composition of nature and nature is our only teacher. The byproduct of education shall be even better when taken in with the very desire to learn, to understand and to unfold secrets thereby.

faithful--shadow

Shadows are usually conceived to be paranormal. The only figure that follows you wherever you go is considered to be paranormal? Yeah, the world is bizarre. They don't know what it is trying to teach through its never ending attempts to take your wisdom to a new level.

It's general physics which I don't know any better how; I am sure most of you  know but I am sorry if you don't know it because lately I haven't figured it out how. When person walks in light surrounding him from all places, then there are three main shadows he'd see (well there would be numerous shadows but according to the position, I'd take three main.)

---ONE BEHIND HIM, ONE WITH HIM, AND ONE AFTER HIM.

So as in our life there are three categories of people.

---- ONE BELOW US, ONE WITH US, ONE ABOVE US.

There are people poorer than me, there are people who have same like me, and there are people more influential than me. And that goes to everything; money, emotions, work, happiness, wisdom everything. No matter how hard I try there will be people ahead of me always even if I successfully take in a few who were then ahead. Some time, he'd feel ahead of all---the best but that's not it. The deduction that follows is that some part of light is blocked and so all three shadows are not clear and apparently there has only been only one behind him. Likewise, you could be emperor one day and feel superiority abandoned but then it’s time that vaguely hides the part of people ahead of you for a while, and when it would become crystal, reality would pours on you and that would lead you to the realization that no matter what, you can’t break the 3 category system of nature.

Change

A Change might be the best thing ever happening to you or the worst things and when you people are bounded in a change, like the red-ox reaction you did in chemistry one suffers and for the other, its the world could just stop in this very moment.

Changed people and dead people are all same, the only difference we see is that the latter is confirmed to be dead and part of changed people we admire is still in a thought. I don’t know why people change but just a thought

You don’t say that change just happens. You say that and I'll literally bully you. It never just damn happens; they are some CIRCUMSTANCES that made it happen. And none is changed by CHANCE.

“Don't you tell me about change. I have seen kids gone mad, people gone sad. I have seen nature died, I have seen hearts cry and I have had it all and I still live, live more than I ever should. So you don't tell me about change.” ~insanets

I'm their son and I too am poor

I'm the you wont see,
I'm the one you kill ruthlessly,
I'm the one they live for,
I'm the one they die for,
I'm their son and I too am poor
~Insanets (A wattpad writer)

Failures And Its Too Much

It’s always good to know you have something to talk to even if it’s just a blog.  Well, I assume writing this way that people who are meant to be pin pointed with be acknowledged towards it, seriously people I just don't want any rude business, I just need to bore out, and the fact is there is no one left to talk to it but the public.

I have always been the loser type. I am quite extrovert at times, yet I miss the mark. I'm quite potential at times, yet I miss the mark. Call it my bad fortune I won’t mind but the fact is I couldn't have done this littlest effort to come up and write but because all these things that make me feel that my failure is born more everyday forces me too.

My first disgrace

OK. So how many of you faced this situation?

When you learn something at the cost of the other and you get involved so much that it becomes your life and

You can't live it, like the day you have got to have your marriage and someone tells you the bride has suddenly changed her mind? Why would she? Such questions have answers, but the situation or the position of them makes them look like unresponsive.

And even you don't know why the bride left, would you still have it all to leave the marriage in the middle of it and face evil sarcasms thereafter. Seems like you can. But would you again appear to marriage, the next year forgetting everything? (Forgetting everything when you later come to know it was always you whom she felt uncomfortable with?). Things change for you but the society won't be ready to admit it. For it, it will work like nothing happened even if you were dead. They actually mean business from you and as long as you can give it, you survive.

That's exactly what happened to me 2-3 years back. Basketball was everything for me but I couldn't play it. They said we have some age concerns. Believe it or not 2years I went to play, we never won; this year I didn't and we win. My anger and sorrow wasn't just gone until the society bombarded with all of the insults, sarcasms that made it even worse. And they still expect me to play next year like nothing happened. How on the earth could I?

My mistake, I didn't play and they still make fun of me whatsoever. Today, among few things deep in my life, Basketball has its own complications yet to be sorted out.

My second disgrace

This has been something to me all these years that whenever I'm up for something big, to show the world the potential fire that rests within me, apparently that's always when the fire won't light up and that multiple attempts of tasting failure, it tears your skin from inside to the core and there will come a moment in your life when you'd stand up with head held high, straight, thumbs in wrist and would promise yourself "no more embarrassments, do nothing more than what layman do. "

Maybe I'd be so much perfect at almost anything but there hasn't been a day in my life when I could have had that happiness of winning something big, that happiness when you outshine others, there's a spark in your eyes and you deliberately show yourself the master, though I always spectated it from the first row of the hall of my mind but I never, until now, never had a chance to it. And perhaps I'll have my chance the next time but pardon me, by then failure would have had made me a corpse & corpses don't do anything better than to scare!

My third disgrace

Correct me if I am wrong when I say I'm a little under confident. And what better than ACTING would suit me overcome my-this-type-of-attitude. Umm, well, so, I guess couldn't talk about it. Wounds are new; it'd take time to get over them. But I assure you it was like that feeling when you are given the 3rd position, suddenly given the 1st and you look at others who are stable at their positions and smirk and suddenly you are nowhere and you again look and at them  and say, “at least they have something"

All I know is that all such incidences in life make a man perceive himself to be unworthy where  actually he is not and so it  has be to the same way with me. You might wonder why were you reading it? I don't know, I just wanted to talk and so I was. Nevertheless, I bored my heart out and now from tomorrow, I'll wait for another hit and run that life would give me.And so I'd live with embarrassment and agony and this will be the only way to let it out. Well not everything has a lesson or maybe it had, you just didn’t see it, did you? PEACE PEOPLE. SEE YOU SOON.

Dilemma

As I'm in the open space right now, walking on the pedestrian road rapidly typing something, I suddenly look up in the sky and man! At the very first sight there is a 5min pause in my activity, well, actually I'm struck by the ever unnoticed beauty of the nature, its glory and its undertaken lessons. Absolute boredom is no word in his dictionary who feels any acquaintance with the earth in a whole whatsoever. Homo sapiens was meant to the magnificent creation filled with the all those qualities that are said to be divine. He in his hands has the weak end of the entire world and the majority of the civilization decides the fate of this week end. Better to be said than to be done, we have always made such our latest modest yearn, but not to forget we are still struggling, to find that divinity that He, very adroitly, diffused in all of us and still we pretend, pretend to do everything damn thing with such a sinister face and to cover it, we cure it shallow lies and all the melodramatic goodbye.

Well that's just a thought to be taken that if every human had found his divinity, I would be more alive than I am today where my life shall end but not my dilemma of choosing the less dirty or not choosing at once.

90/100 teens

Of all the times I write, I never know if I am writing what I think but the I'm too eager and so I have to write and here I am, writing for all those who need to read.  To say I couldn't find time would be wrong, and too say I am busy won’t any right either. So what was I doing? It’s just the same like most of teens won’t know what they will do next when they are doing nothing and at the end of the day, if you are like me, you ask yourself of what you did today and you realize 24 hrs. Were wasted just like that (if you ever cared to do something today). I'd say my opinion, Facebook is just another world of dumb where people stop by wandering and are so mesmerized that they decide to stay over for a day or two and in the meanwhile they forget the fact that they had a life they had kept on hold but even if they realize, to 90 of every 100 children it won’t matter. To 90 of 100 teenagers, I'll tell you what matters. Think of all the illogical things all the time, waste 50 holidays and wonder on 51st holiday think the school should have more holidays, and I can go on till the dawn breaks in. Don't you worry you are well protected under the web of the spider whom the fears *wasted*. I have so much to speak up, bore up my heart but then who'll listen and those who'll ever read, parents, teachers I assure you that though they have something to make up in their life, to which they assume with every big name that feeds fame but these 90/100 children need a certain big failure to succeed and so be it.

Let them fail and let them win later.

P.s. The author has no 
aim on anyone. These are just few words from author's thought and he doesn't forces anyone to indulge in the intellect yet the people who are willingly accepting to learn something are never ceased :)